his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
