Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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