Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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