I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
