i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
