just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
