i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
