So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
