I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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