I just cut my nipple shaving
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
