You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
