Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
