Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
