All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
