No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
