forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
