she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
