My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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