I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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