I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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