I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
