The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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