There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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