Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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