I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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