you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize