I am spending my child support on dildos
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
