do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
