I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
