just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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