life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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