Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Come back. Shots need mouths.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
