if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
