R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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