Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
