If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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