Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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