Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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