i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
