I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
