I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
