I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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