Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize