she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
