I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
