do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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