I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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