I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's shark week go big or go home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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