I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
