just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ladies don't puke and tell
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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