he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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