i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
