is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
