So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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