Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
