When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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