Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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