I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize