I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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