Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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