So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
